Behavioural Euthanasia

Behavioural Euthanasia

Today I’m going to touch on Behavioural Euthanasia (BE), often a taboo subject. This type of euthanasia can be one of the most heart breaking decisions you’ll ever make.

BE is when the decision to euthanise a pet has to be made because of their behaviour. This could be because they have attacked or bitten someone or something, killed other animals, stock, or even other family pets they live with. Or even if they have not yet done anything wrong but from certain triggers or small things you’ve seen, you know they have that potential. There can be many reasons they do this.

Unfortunately these cats or dogs or other animals aren’t necessarily bad; they are just possibly a danger to other pets or people. This may be how they would behave naturally in a pack, or perhaps they had a horrible start to life and were abused themselves. Maybe you’ve adopted them and don’t know their history or the trauma they may have suffered. There are so many reasons that factor into animal behaviour. In their world they may lack trust in humans; they could be trying to protect their humans or think they are protecting themselves. All of this makes for a hard life with the family trying to navigate how to deal with them, being in public with them, having visitors over, or other animals being around. It can limit both yours and their world, making it quite small, not to mention the stress for you and them.

You can get all the training and get all the top professionals to help, but sometimes our pets are just not wired right for this world. We have created a domesticated world with expectations that some animals simply struggle to cope with, by showing heightened anxiety, fear, fear aggression or plain aggression.

These pets can be good 99% of the time. They can be the most loving, wonderful pets you’ve ever had. They still love us a thousand percent, but the rest of the world can be too stressful or too hard for them. They may live in a constant state of anxiety or fear, causing them to make bad choices. Sometimes letting them go is the kindest thing we can do for them and the hardest for us.

The guilt that comes with this can be unbearable and quite traumatising, often worse than the grief of losing a pet through illness or old age. These pets can be young or changed with old age and it’s not fair either way as we still love them the same – they are family. Many families who have had to make this decision end up grieving alone because it’s so hard to share. They don’t want to be judged by people who don’t understand.

They might hear things like, “You didn’t do enough,” “You’re a bad owner,” “You gave up on them.” All of these comments are incredibly hurtful. And the truth is, you’ve probably already said those things to yourself, and don’t need to hear it from someone else. The self-inflicted pain, blame and guilt can be unbearable, but this was possibly your last option.

I have experienced this myself with an adopted cat, and it was completely different from the grief I experienced when losing an animal through old age. It was a different kind of grief, one filled with a lot of guilt and tears and questioning. The hardest part is knowing that they are just being a cat or dog. This wasn’t their fault. So I get it. Hugs to all of you that have had to go through this emotional journey – remember their last day is not their whole story.

On that note, none of our staff, vets or nurses judge anyone on these decisions; we realise how hard it is for all involved. We still cuddle them the same at the end, telling them they are a good boy or girl, and send them off with warmth and peace like any other pet.

Please reach out if you or your pet needs help or you simply need someone to talk to, whether this is a vet or myself for guidance around these decisions.

If you have already gone through this and you just need a safe space to work through your emotions and navigate your grief, I offer this with no judgement. Just warmth and love for you and your lost pet, no matter what the circumstance.

Now, I read something recently that I want to share – I love how it describes grief.

Grief is like tiny pieces of glitter. At first it’s everywhere, you try to clean it up, but it comes back everywhere.

It catches the light and reminds you of what you’ve lost.

It never completely goes away. It settles. It becomes quieter in your mind and less overwhelming. You learn to live with it. You learn to carry it.

That is what time and grief can give us.

Months or even years might pass, and you’ll suddenly see a tiny, sparkly piece of glitter that was hidden under something. And instead of crying, you might smile.

You might laugh, remembering the good times and the funny things they did.

That is when the love and connection you had with your pet begin to replace the intense pain you felt when you lost them.

The warmth and love you shared will always be part of your story.

And they will always be with you.

Take care,
Paula
Pet loss support